Patches has been quite a rascal lately. I believe part of it is due to hormonal changes from having to eat Kit-E-Kat wet food instead of Whiskas kibbles, but after coming home from a weekend in the city and facing a cold wall of calico fur, I've come to accept that Patches is jealous of my human companions.
Who can blame her? My human friends don't spray the sand they poop in all over my bedsheets. My human friends don't (...usually) lick my face when I'm sleeping. My human friends rarely rip down my curtains just so they can leap onto my table and spill glasses of water. Patches is uncomfortable at realizing how stiff her competition is.
Patches is also disgruntled because she is shedding. A TON. As you have probably noticed, Patches has a luxurious coat of tri-colored fur which now covers about 60% of my apartment. I've tried to brush her every day but Patches hates being brushed. My landlords are going to be peeeeee--uhsed when they see all the cat fur.
BONUS FASHION TIP FROM THIS EPISODE: How can you fix your hair into Sara's sweet 'do in this episode? The steps are easy! Simply sleep, don't brush your hair and then clean your bathroom with paper towels wearing a traditional woven mask so you don't inhale Lysol fumes and die. Voila!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Patches Gets Her Revenge
As a scholar once said-- Karma is a bitch. Fact.
Patches has had some difficulty sleeping lately and by "Patches has had some difficulty sleeping lately" what I mean to imply is "Patches has had some difficulty letting me sleep lately." Some of Patches' newfound nighttime activities include:
1. Battery Tennis
2. The I-Am-Inside-A-Plastic-Bag Marathon in laps around my dresser.
3. Practicing the lead vocals for the band she wants to create with other Mose Pijade cats. (...."Patches and the Trash Can Diggers.....?" Yes....?)
4. Hitting my face.
My $200,000 anthropology degree taught me that my second reaction after turning on the light and throwing my phone at Patches should be to ask the question "why? why does Patches behave this way?" Last night, I found the answer.
(also, an aside. Several people have said, "Sara! Your fashion choices in this episode are stunning! What ARE you wearing?" The answer, my friends, is a swoop neck JC Penny sweatshirt, wool socks and periwinkle long underwear. Put it in your Look Books!)
Patches has had some difficulty sleeping lately and by "Patches has had some difficulty sleeping lately" what I mean to imply is "Patches has had some difficulty letting me sleep lately." Some of Patches' newfound nighttime activities include:
1. Battery Tennis
2. The I-Am-Inside-A-Plastic-Bag Marathon in laps around my dresser.
3. Practicing the lead vocals for the band she wants to create with other Mose Pijade cats. (...."Patches and the Trash Can Diggers.....?" Yes....?)
4. Hitting my face.
My $200,000 anthropology degree taught me that my second reaction after turning on the light and throwing my phone at Patches should be to ask the question "why? why does Patches behave this way?" Last night, I found the answer.
(also, an aside. Several people have said, "Sara! Your fashion choices in this episode are stunning! What ARE you wearing?" The answer, my friends, is a swoop neck JC Penny sweatshirt, wool socks and periwinkle long underwear. Put it in your Look Books!)
Monday, March 22, 2010
Addressing the Vicious Rumors
I know you've all heard them. SOME of you have probably even spread these nasty lies.
Patches and I are still together and we are addressing this awful smear campaign.
Patches and I are still together and we are addressing this awful smear campaign.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Training Patches to Reach for the Stars
So I came home and changed into my pajamas and, obviously, left my blue jeans crumpled on the floor. Right now Patches is laying with her face DIRECTLY in the inside of the crotch. That's my little Olympian for you!! Aw she just fell asleep as soon as I took that picture. Riiiiiiight in the crotch of my pants.
Anyway, I've recently been inspired by the Westminster dog show and have decided to train Patches to achieve similar greatness. I believe she would already take home the gold in "unjustifiably smelly poops" "kibble consumption" and "relay curtain ripping" but i want MORE for her!!!! We'll be posting our results as she improves.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Patches Finds New Ways to Annoy Me Daily
Cardboard. Not what I think of when I'm contemplating what to eat. Not so with Patches who has developed a taste for cardboard. And just my luck...... my whole living room is filled with cardboard.
Welcome Back Sara
Patches and I were separated for about a month but were recently reunited. It was a pretty intense and glorious reunion... she cat-galloped across the room going "mraww! mrawww!" and jumped into my waiting arms and we went home and fed each other hard boiled eggs.
Not really, basically she just clawed at my neck while I was carrying her home in my jacket. But the friend who took care of Patches in my absence alerted me to a disturbing fact: Patches had a) been in heat (they don't spay/neuter in my town) and b) they had been letting her outside.
RED ALERT. RED ALERT. Anyway, this is a song I wrote for Patches about my feelings about her potential motherhood.
Not really, basically she just clawed at my neck while I was carrying her home in my jacket. But the friend who took care of Patches in my absence alerted me to a disturbing fact: Patches had a) been in heat (they don't spay/neuter in my town) and b) they had been letting her outside.
RED ALERT. RED ALERT. Anyway, this is a song I wrote for Patches about my feelings about her potential motherhood.
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